Sept. 24, 2009

It’s that time of year, and it can only mean one thing: Christmas card photos.

My husband detests this annual event and claims that he’d rather skip Christmas than immortalize his mug ever again. Still, I’ve found that a little gentle persuasion (in the form of season football tickets) goes a long way.

So with our family photo shoot a mere two weeks away, I’m suddenly all intent on rediscovering Skinny Annie. She’s there, and if I really put my nose to the salad fork I can probably make her emerge in time for our Christmas pictures.

Here’s the thing I’ve learned about perpetually skinny women: A lot of them say they eat whatever they want, but if you actually fly-on-the-wall their life, what you’ll find is that they’re hardly eating anything of whatever they want (as in, they eat a teaspoon of whatever they want).

For example, we have a gorgeous gal in the neighborhood that’s always got good things to eat in her house (translation: chips, cookies, ice cream etc…). According to her, she doesn’t think or worry about what she eats. But if you take the time to watch her eat throughout the day (it’s called binoculars, people), what you’ll see is that she eats all day long. Small amounts here and there, never sitting down and filling her gullet. The result? Skinny.

Here’s the thing about my gullet: It wants to be full. We’re talking, loaded to the hilt at least once a day. It likes to pooch out over the top of my jeans at the end of a particularly satisfying meal, and I support this behavior.

I’m okay to graze off the kids’ leftover pancakes from breakfast, carefully limiting my quantity to roughly eight bites (I can’t believe I’m admitting this), and I have no problem popping a handful of almonds, a slice of salami and half a protein shake for lunch (I am so pitiful).

But dinner? I want dinner. I want to eat a big old plate of enchiladas with sour cream and salsa and rice and beans, topped off with a carb-loaded brownie or two.

Apparently, however, skinny women don’t eat this way. I read once that in order to be skinny, you should always leave something on your plate, and never finish a meal. I was raised with a different mentality.

My father (bless his appetite) is a child of a child of the depression. That means that at the end of a meal, if a plate isn’t clean enough to skip the sink and go straight to the dishwasher, you’re not finished.

There are multiple hard-core diets and supplements that bring about svelte frames, but in my experience, anything that requires a hard-core mentality isn’t going to last. Ever. Like everything else, eating requires balance and butter. And sugar (preferably paired with the butter).

The next two weeks are going to require a little hard-core attitude adjustment as far as dinner is concerned. I’ll have to send my garlic bread on vacation and stop buying those 99-cent boxes of brownies.

(Oops, there goes the timer for the lasagna. Tomorrow. My diet will start tomorrow.)

See more at Annie's blog at regardingannie.com