Dec. 10, 2009

Let’s talk about the things I take for granted, things like vacuums and garbage disposals and kitchen plumbing, in general.

I mention these three in particular because I am now on day three of a broken house. When your kitchen plumbing goes out the same day as the vacuum, which is also the same day you put up the very messy Christmas tree, the result is an excessively trashed house.

And I’m not just talking about a few crumbs on the carpet and a dish or two in the sink. With three little kids and their heaping piles of peels and crusts that litter the byways and clog the sink, when the garbage disposal goes out, you might as well say farewell to cleanliness altogether.

I know I can’t run the dishwasher without a garbage disposal — which my husband so graciously removed two days ago leaving me with a gaping hole the size of Texas in the sink and a bucket underneath … my 4 year-old finds this setup fascinating — but I looked at the plumbing today in desperation, and it looked to me like the left side wasn’t run through the same piping as the right.

I should mention here that I have absolutely no plumbing skills whatsoever and occasionally can’t figure out how to plug up the bathtub for the kids.

Considering the fact that this place could currently be an ad for Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout’s Cleaning Service, I decided to take my chances and went after the dishes with a vengeance.

Pot scrubbing has never been more enjoyable in my life. It was like showering after a week of roughing it in the mountains (not that I actually know what that’s like; to me roughing it includes a Best Western and a Denny’s).

And then the floods broke. That’s right, all that wonderful water was slowly culminating in a lovely, stinky, gravy-like pool beneath the sink.

Once I had cleared out every single thing and mopped up the pond, I decided it was time to do something about the rest of the house.

But we have a fake, flocked tree. It’s beautiful; it’s festive; it’s white … and it sheds like a German shepherd. The day we put it up (the same day I said farewell to my kitchen sink) I pulled out our relatively new vacuum to suck up the debris, and what do you think happened three minutes after I turned it on? The motor burned out.

So here I am, my carpet is trashed, my kitchen is crowded and stinky, we have no clean spoons (I just keep wiping them on my pants and handing them off to whomever is not looking), and I am about to lose my mind.

I feel like Cinderella on the day of the ball, only I just want my fairy godmother to bring me a cleaning service and a plumber. (And it would be great if Prince Charming could fix the *&%# disposal tonight after work.)

See more at Annie's blog at regardingannie.com